PD RAW

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Podcast by Nota Bene

PD RAW

What is it like to suffer from a personality disorder? What lies behind the outside behaviours? PD RAW is a place for people with personality disorders to share our lived experiences, so we can connect to others like ourselves, stop the feelings of loneliness, break down stigma, and help figure out what is going on inside us .

Latest episodes

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20 May 2025

Haifa - Bird in a Cage

In this podcast episode, Haifa discusses her diagnoses of borderline personality disorder and narcissistic personality disorder, giving insight into the challenges and interactions between these conditions. She candidly shares her past struggles with impulsivity, abandonment issues, and the protective role of anger.

Haifa touches on her upbringing and her struggles with her demanding mother. Cultural and economic factors are also at play, combining with her family's unaddressed historical trauma to create a painful inheritance.

Haifa talks about her relationships, particularly with partners who also have BPD, exploring the intense connection and validation they bring. Now, with a non-disordered partner, she embraces a newfound stability.

Haifa's story highlights her journey through therapy and self-awareness, paving the path from a tumultuous past to a more balanced present.

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56:18

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20 April 2025

Lack of Internal Structure & Enmeshing Relationships

Enmeshed families are said to be created by adults who do not have clear psychological boundaries. These boundaries are part of what helps a child to develop their own sense of self. What is it like to experience a parent who does not have a clear sense of self, or proper internal boundaries? And what is it like from either side of the adult relationships that these children grow up to have?

Lucy (NPD with ASPD traits) and Nota (BPD with traits of Vulnerable Narcissism) talk about their own experiences, and how it felt from the inside.

For more information about enmeshment and the dynamics of dependence and avoidance, these links might be useful:

https://www.emotionenhancement.com/single-post/enmeshment-trauma-and-how-it-impacts-your-relationships

https://www.healthyplace.com/personality-disorders/malignant-self-love/the-narcissists-mother

https://www.gottman.com/blog/are-you-losing-you-in-the-relationship-enmeshment-detachment-and-differentiation/

https://whatiscodependency.com/bpd-borderline-personality-disorder/

https://www.michaelsamsel.com/Content/Couples/fusion.html

https://www.counsellingservicemelbourne.com.au/personality-disorder-treatment/borderline-personality-disorder/

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56:55

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18 January 2025

Derek - NPD

Derek is an English teacher who has spent decades running a classroom with strength and confidence. Behind the scenes, he battled the trauma of very painful childhood experiences, but at work, his bravado gave his students a feeling of safety.

However, recently, something happened and everything unravelled. The darkness of the past has finally caught up with him.

Derek's thoughtfulness and expressive nature allows him to give some powerful insights into what lies inside his disorder.

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02:01:47

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11 December 2024

Hiding: What is Behind Our Walls?

Have you ever had one of those nightmares where you are in a group of people and something really humiliating has happened?

Shame is such a deep, powerful emotion. It makes us hide parts of ourselves in order to fit in.

Some of the theories about the development of personality disorders are that the young child buries many parts of themselves which their caregivers cannot deal with. These parts become hidden from the child themselves as they develop.

It is said that our hidden parts drive us, and we are mostly unaware of this.

Some further reading about why people might have hidden parts of themselves:

Borderline Personality Disorder

Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Avoidant Traits

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40:22

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21 July 2024

NPD Awareness Month

To mark the inaugural NPD Awareness Month, 4 guests joined the creator of this campaign, Reddit moderator Invisible Monster, for a moving discussion about how they experience the disorder, as well as the things they have found which have helped them heal.

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01:24:53

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01 July 2024

Ryan Part 2: NPD, Courage and Authenticity

Ryan faced addiction, rehab and the breakdown of his relationship as he wrestled with accepting his diagnosis.

With the support of a therapist, he was finally able to face his inner turmoil, and now speaks openly about his NPD in an effort to help others and to live with honesty and vulnerability.

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01:32:27